Derrick and I lived in Boston for a regrettably short amount of time (9 months) while he completed a Master's program. I was expecting and working as a Nanny without any real idea when I would be able to finish my bachelor's degree. It was a special time for us as a married couple and a fun time since we were living in such a neat area, but personally, I felt a little discouraged with my life trajectory. Even more so after the following story:
Setting: Our Ward Halloween Party -
We were meeting couples and young families in our ward. One couple had been in Boston for a while and we asked them for tips about how to explore the area. The wife, with clearly no intention of making me feel awkward, asked: "Well, what do you like to do?" The question caught me off guard. I wasn't really sure what to say. So I started mumbling answers not disimiliar to the cliche descriptions found in the "looking" classifieds: reading, long walks on the beach, etcetera, etcetera. She looked at me and said, "Oh, well, I'm really into art. There are a lot of really great museums in the area." I felt so boring.
I walked away from that encounter more discouraged than ever. I was boring. I felt like a blank slate that had no writing on it. Perhaps I was a bit melodramatic. After all, in my defense, I had terrible pregnancy brain; plus, I'd just come home from a Mormon mission, where my personal identity was essentially a name badge and my own interests had definitely taken a backseat.
That being said, I had a lot of work to do and I've been doing it determinedly ever since.
One of my favorite books, Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History, makes the point that so-called "well-behaved" women are the ones who are forgotten easily, mainly because they don't take themselves or their interests seriously. The author writes, "Most well-behaved women are too busy living their lives to think about recording what they do and too modest about their own achievements to think anybody else will care." So what does the author argue makes "misbehaved women"? Those naughty women who dare to take their interests and passions seriously, regardless of the interest.
Gretchen Rubin, in her book The Happiness Project, describes a serious turn in her own personal development. Always recognizing but being ashamed of her interest in children's literature, she decided to stop categorizing her personal hobbies and interests as, well, illegitimate. She "came out of the closet", as it were, and formed a group of adults equally interested in kidlit. One of her main "Commandments" of happiness was one I instantly admired: "Be Gretchen". Of course, for me this means, "Be Jen", or "Be ___" for whoever you are. This simply means: stop thinking of your own interests as unworthy of note.
To take my interests really seriously I had to return to school. And it likely means that I will be in school for a while. This might be true for other women too. Other women, however, might find that school isn't required to take their passion seriously. It might mean forming a group of people who have a similiar interest, as it did for Rubin. Or it might mean simply allocating some money to a specific hobby. It might mean working, or it might mean devoting a bit more time to something: like a photography class, or a private reading hour. Or it might mean blogging, or keeping a journal, or scrapbooking. The bottom line? It doesn't matter what "it" is, as long as you treat it with the respect it deserves!
A few months ago, to get a better, more visual idea of what our "its" were, my sister-in-law and I bought a few supplies, cut up some magazines and worked at creating our own Dreamboard. Now, this task might seem juvenile, or high-schoolish. And yes, it's even recommended, so I hear, in a book called The Secret, a book whose ideas I definitely don't subscribe to. However, I found the task enjoyable and it reaffirmed the importance of dreaming regardless of where we are in life, or our family status. It also helped me realize the importance of alligning my life goals with my interests so I can look back on my life and feel content.
So, here's to dreaming big!
What are some of your dreams? What interests do you want to take more seriously?
7 comments:
Love it, Jen. Love it! I find you so inspiring. I can't wait to see you!
Jen, this is awesome- you are definitely a writer. I've been thinking a lot about this kind of thing. For a long time I have had interest in getting a PHD, but have felt totally inadequate. Consequently I have ignored that desire. But as of late- I have tried to at least recognize it and already I am noticing a difference. I really have no idea if I will get a PHD or not, but at least I'm respecting my desires. Thanks for the inspiring blog post. You seriously are a rockin woman!!
Jen I love this post! Though I'm not a mother, as a woman, I sometimes feel discouraged for always dreaming so big (especially when my friends mock or tease me). I love the idea of creating a collage from magazine cut outs of your dreams! That's fantastic and I think I will do one too ;) I have always been an advocate of dreaming and going for your dreams. For me I want to serve a mission, join the Peace Corps, travel for fun for a year, live abroad (living in a different country for a few years of the time for work), get married in the temple to a man who loves me for my passion in development (if he does development work too then all the more better, haha), etc. But my biggest dream is to make a difference in this world. It doesn't have to be a big difference, but to know that I am not sitting around passively while there is so much work to do to help counteract the evils of this world. I don't by any means think I am going to save the world, but I sure want to help change it for the better. So thanks for the post! I always love to hear your words of wisdom and encouragement! You are absolutely one of the most amazing persons in my life and I love you!
Here is to dreaming and dreaming big! :)
Add me to the chorus of people who love this post! For me, dreaming/taking my interests seriously has never been difficult. Perhaps it's because I had 13 years post-high school before I became a mother. Perhaps it's because I watched my mom doggedly got to night school and work full-time while I was young. I think the work I need to do in this regard is paring down...I have so many interests, I can't pursue them all with equal devotion. I need to decide which ones should take highest priority. For now, I'm thinking: blog more; finish my thesis (perhaps blogging should be secondary to thesis-writing, but nah ;); finish seeing all 50 states (I have 7 or 8 left); visit Tara & Hazel in China (my friend just started her first foreign service post there and I desperately want to make it there before her 2 years are up).
I also love this and feel freshly inspired! Whenever Reese naps I use that time to clean, but I don't want to get to Heaven and have The Lord tell me, Well you spent 35% of your life cleaning your house...do you feel this was a worthwhile accomplishment? Cuz I don't. I need to set aside some time to achieve my goals.
I found this post through Lindsay Call's blog (one of my best friends). I read the post she linked it to a while ago, but never read it then. I just wrote a post last night on a similar vein, so this really spoke to me. Thank you!
I popped over via Vickie's blog. I'm reading the Happiness Project at this moment, actually, and the whole take your interests seriously also hit me. I love this post! Great story, great writing, great message. Thanks!
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