bits 'n pieces

Almost two years ago I wrote this post about some health problems I'd been experiencing. Unfortunately, those health concerns never went away entirely and I'm dealing with them yet again.  The care I alluded to in that previous post ended up being unsatisfactory for several reasons, and my care right now has been complacent in addressing my rather serious fatigue issues.  After a disastrous doctor's appointment on Thursday, in which the specialist I saw indicated no interest in addressing my constant fatigue issues, I realized that perhaps my approach about this whole thing has been wrong.

This was of course after I spent several minutes sobbing in the unfeeling doctor's office chair. It was an uncomfortable experience for both of us. But I couldn't help myself! Imagine you've had a day. A really long day full of lots of physical exertion in tandem with getting, oh let's say 2 hours of sleep the night before. That's pretty much how I feel all the time. I've been scraping by for the past 2 months by taking naps with Lissie almost every day. Even with naps I struggle to get through my day.  This is not normal for an otherwise-healthy woman my age, right (side note: this recent flare-up isn't related to anemia. had that checked already)?

A piece of me broke on Thursday. I felt so defeated. I thought about how I could possibly get through my program, participate in internships, take care of my daughter, and just get through life in general.

I felt even more heartbroken because this issue is upsetting some life plans.

Derrick and I have talked rather seriously about trying for another baby this Fall.  My first pregnancy was enough to double me over, and that was when I was feeling normal. The idea of adding a pregnancy on top of how I'm already feeling is enough to make me want to just die already. So those plans are on the back burner. Again. And a bit of my spirit is broken about it.

After Thursday though I realized that I haven't been very kind to myself in my zeal to find a cure. I take on too much, assuming that the problem will go away soon, either from sheer force of will or from an outside intervention. Neither has worked. And honestly I've kind of given up hope that a solution will present itself even semi-rapidly at the pace my doctor's are working right now. I also mislead people and fail to be honest about my problem. For instance, you had no idea until just now, right? You see my point! I'm really good at making people think I'm A-OK. Well, it's all a lie, people. Don't be deceived. Truth is, I feel exhausted all the time and I feel pretty damn poopy.

I'm trying presently to slow myself down by making a huge admission:

I have chronic fatigue.

Maybe it's caused by an underlying issue that can be addressed. Maybe it isn't. Maybe this is something I will have to deal with forever. I just don't know.

What I do know is that I could use some kind thoughts. Some prayers. Maybe even some forgiveness if I haven't been attentive or if I've seemed a little self-centered.

I'll be praying too; for some internal strength and resolve. And when I'm feeling particularly hopeful, for a solution; when I'm feeling particularly despondent, for some hope.

Nanny no more...

Starting September 2008 I went to work for the Jobin-Leeds family of Cambridge, MA. I had contacted them as early as April after finding their ad posted on Craigslist and went to work for them straightaway after moving here. I think we moved into our apartment on Tuesday and I started work on Thursday. I hadn't yet acclimatized to driving in Boston, so the immediacy of the job, though much needed, was still a little daunting (driving through Harvard Square can intimidate even the most aggressive driver).

The Jobin-Leeds are a Jewish family--educated, well-traveled and very political!--with three children. I couldn't have been luckier to find them. The pay was great (compared to Western standards), the hours wonderful, and the family so supportive especially during the later stages of my pregnancy. As time ticked away, we knew we'd be saying goodbye soon, so the last night of work I made my authentic Mexican taquitos for dinner, Derrick came, and we enjoyed a nice evening together. They are a normally a very healthy family, so I knew the greasy departure from our regular meal fare would leave me forever enshrined in the hearts of their children, especially their 12 yr. old boy. To respect their privacy, I won't be including the children's names in the blog post.

After dinner, the Jobin-Leeds presented me with gifts! Above you can see the youngest, who'd made Felicity and me matching necklaces. Since her and I had spent the most time together, I made her favorite treat, BROWNIES!, to soften the parting blow. Below, the family presented me with a photobook for the baby. It's a momento box made out of homemade paper. It's beautiful and perfect for items not really made to fit in a traditional photo album like locks of hair, umbilical cords, etc.

With the whole family. Can you spot my pregnant belly?

Just me and the kids.
This job really was a great experience for me. I was able to see other families' modes of parenting, and learned a lot about parenting in general and much, much more. Now if only my own little one would come so I could practice my new knowledge on her! :)

Pregtastic!

I just had to get one with the sweatshirt. She's our Harvard baby, for sure!

Time is almost up! So before it's too late I wanted to post some pictures of my now pregnant state. Thanks for tuning in and SO sorry for taking so long to post some photos.

Trying not to count down

So as everyone can see from the floating baby on the corner of my blog, the pregnancy is swiftly coming to an exciting end! We're doing great and I really feel like I can't complain about the pregnancy at all after the first 3 months were over. I've had very few aches and pains, emotionally I've been fine (just take my word for it; don't ask Derrick!) and we've had lots of reassurance as to the health of baby Felicity.

We are feeling ever more prepared. Brigham and Women's Hospital conducts free Hospital Tours which we attended with about 5 other expectant couples, and we were able to have some of our questions answered about Wi-Fi, the labor, etc. The labor/delivery room is awesome and very roomy and we were told that yoga balls and bed-bars are available upon request. Unfortunately, no bathtub, but the staff seems to be pretty open to me moving around during the labor process, getting in the shower, etc. We are preparing for a "natural birth"; I never felt comfortable with the idea of an epidural and we've had a lot of support from some of the mothers in our ward, some of whom are experienced Doulas. They've really helped educate us about Hypnobirthing and natural labor.

All in all, we are VERY excited and ready for our baby girl to come to us; tomorrow is my last day of work with the Jobin-Leeds family, who have been SO awesome and supportive. Derrick's school schedule hopefully won't take too big of a hit, but he seems to not be too worried.

We've been terribly neglectful of posting pregnancy pictures, but we have been much better about taking some and will post a few very soon. More soon!

Merry Christmas!

We've had a great time being home! I didn't realize just how much I'd missed the west until Steph picked us up from the Phoenix airport and I looked out at the desert, almost completely devoid of buildings, graffiti and the like and I sighed a huge breath of relief. I've missed the desert so much! And looking at this view, who wouldn't?

We drove up the following day with Grandma Pat and Amanda and Steph joined us a few days later. Christmas Eve we read "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and watched Home Alone to prepare for the next day.

Steph's boys, Hunter and Matthew, are still too young (or sleepy) to wake up at the crack of dawn to see what Santa brought, so us adults had to drag them out of bed at seven to have them open their presents. Derrick and I were both very spoiled. He was endowed with a new reading list and I was given a new wardrobe for my expanding belly. A dream come true for us both!

We also got a bunch of baby stuff, which we were so excited for and will need desperately in the not-too-distant future, though Derrick kept getting items that said things like "Daddy's girl" and "I love Daddy", I was half expecting him to unwrap something that said, "Daddy's my favorite. Mommys suck."

We were both thoroughly spoiled and had a great time with our nephews and family. It all came to an end too fast.

Thanksgiving and Maternity Clothes

My mom and sister, Becca, arrived in the U.S. safely after a two-week trip to India and instead of going straight home, my mom made a stop in New York. My dad flew out to meet her and they took the train to Boston to come and visit us for Thanksgiving. Since I just got back from my mission in Southern California in February, this would have made the third year in a row of Thanksgiving without my family, so we were thrilled to have them spend the holiday with us.

We spent alot of time in our tiny apartment, letting mom relax a little and recover from her jet lag after her long trip, but we also did some shopping, some laundry (she was relieved to finally have some clean clothes in her suitcase) some sightseeing to Concord and the Boston Museum of Fine Arts.

The highlight of the trip was going to Target and buying some maternity clothes and, honestly, the trip came none too soon. I started having to wear the pants right after they left, though that could be a side effect from the enormous amounts of turkey dinner I ate.

I have a lot to be thankful for this year; my wonderful, brilliant husband, the opportunity to be here in Boston with said wonderful and brilliant husband, my job(s), a working vehicle, the courage to drive around in this crazy place, a smooth pregnancy and the excitement of a beautiful, new addition to our family, amazing in-laws, the chance to go home for Christmas, a wonderful family and a great ward, not to mention wonderful friends and relatives.

How do people make maternity

clothes looks so glamorous?!

Belly Ups are amazing and I would recommend them to anyone. They

are lifesavers!

Our beautiful baby girl...

Our first pictures of Felicity prove she is as photogenic as her parents are not. And look at that cute little button nose!

Baby updates...a girl!

Sorry for all those who predicted a baby boy in my near-future. We got the ultrasound yesterday and it's a girl! April 6th is the official due date, which, according to Blair means our child will have a certain touch of the divine about her.

It's funny, actually, that it's a girl. Derrick and I've been trying to decide on a boy's name and we just couldn't settle permanently on anything, but then one day I woke up with a girl's name in my head and I haven't been able to even think about any other names. It wasn't even a name on my favorites list! Felicity. I also hadn't been thinking about a middle name that seriously until it hit me. Carol. Felicity Carol Hull has a nice ring don't you think?

No pictures again, but my belly is starting to poke out a bit. I still don't look pregnant; I just look not-so-skinny anymore. I have lots of updates, and I'll be putting new pictures on here really soon.

We're expecting!!