Time

Thank you, to whatever beneficent force created day planners. I say "force" because the planner is too pure, too perfect, too useful to ever have been formed by human hands. I prefer to think of my day planner, this red beauty, as having been formed in the heavens, gently wafting down to rest on my University's bookstore shelves just moments before I came searching for it. We are meant for each other, red beauty. Thanks for keeping me sane; for always seeing the things I do instead of the things I don't get around to.  You complete me.

 

Learning Mindfulness

Photo from papertissue

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How many of you have tried to meditate before? Maybe you sat in yogi position, with your thumb and first finger pinched together into a circle like Rafiki in The Lion King. Maybe you lit a candle. Maybe you failed miserably at it, like I did. I've tried, time and again, to make a ritual out of meditation and then never, ever stuck with it.

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I've realized since that prayer actually works better for me than Buddhist meditation practices, but I think this is because I've just had more practice at it. Of course there are religous reasons for prayer, as in, you know, verbally communicating with God and sustaining your relationship with Him (and/or Her, as you will). But there are practical evidences that prayer is really good for people in a more physical sense. It manages stress levels and creates a sense of well-being in a person in much the same way that Buddhist meditation has been shown to do (I won't reference specific findings here, but there is on-going neuroscientific experimentation, much supported by the Dalai Lama by the way, that demonstrates the positive effects of Buddhist meditation).

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I know I could work really hard at it and master the damn thing, but I'm too lazy. So imagine my delight when I discovered the lazy person's meditation technique.

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It's called Mindfulness. Mindfulness has been called "one of the simplest meditation techniques and potentially the most revealing as it involves letting go of any desire to control your thoughts. Instead, you observe them with detachment as they arise. . ." (Roland 38). Essentially the idea is that we give our thoughts the significance they do, or more often don't, deserve. The idea is that you don't have to control your thoughts, you just have to stop letting them control you. Imagine that the mind is a barking dog. Instead of trying to quiet it, you get on with whatever you need to do and just let the dog bark because that is just what dogs do. Our minds are constantly bringing thoughts to the surface of our individual consciousness. That's just what minds do. It's our choice whether to pay credence to the thoughts and react accordingly.

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One of my favorite things about mindfulness is that it isn't something you "set aside time" to do. You can do it all the time. One mindfulness exercise is that of eating. Instead of hurrying and preparing meals as quickly as possible and chomping them down, one can focus on the task at hand, in this example, eating an apple. You feel the texture of the apples you're slicing. Notice the color and the smell. Maybe you even pay attention to the sound of your knife slicing into the whiteness of the apple's flesh. Instead of swallowing the slices whole, as I'm (almost) wont to do, you chew slowly, focusing on the taste and texture of the apple slice. Feeding your body can be a meditative practice. I can only imagine the health implications.

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The idea is that you can practice mindfulness periodically throughout the day until it becomes second nature. If I were to slow down I would realize that the majority of the time I am tense and anxious, ready to spring to the next task to be done. Of course tasks need to be done, but do they need to be done by an automaton? Do I really have anything to gain by doing tasks anxiously and absentmindedly?

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I know this post is already text heavy, but I came across these helpful mindfulness questions today in a book called The Mindful Brain by Dan Siegel. The idea is that you answer with the traditional "almost never" to "almost always" range:

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• I perceive my feelings and emotions without having to react to them.
• I watch my feelings without getting lost in them.
• In difficult situations I can pause without immediately reacting.
• When I have distressing thoughts or images I just notice them and let them go.
• When I'm walking, I deliberately notice the sensations of my body moving.
• When I take a shower or a bath, I stay alert to the sensations of water on my body.
• I notice how foods and drinks affect my thoughts, bodily sensations, and emotions.
• I pay attention to sensations, such as the wind in my hair or sun on my face.
• I pay attention to sounds, like ticking clocks, birds chirping, or cars passing.
• I notice the smells and aromas of things.
• I intentionaly stay aware of my feelings.
• I notice visual elements in art or nature, such as colors, shapes, textures, or patterns of light and shadow.
• I pay attention to how my emotions affect my thoughts and behavior (or vice versa).
• I find it difficult to stay focused on what's happening in the present.
• It seems I am 'running on automatic' without much awareness of what I'm doing (93-94).

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And there are more, but this is probably enough for now. I know mindfulness didn't make it onto my New Year's Resolution list, but it very well could have. Because I'm realizing that mindfulness is a big part of celebrating (the very prominent resolution of this, my year of 2012). Who wants to go to the trouble of cooking a nice meal if you're not even going to take time to be "in the moment" of eating it? Swallowing it whole? Being done in 5-10 minutes? Where's the fun in that? How else do you think it could play into celebrating? What ways do you think you'd like to practice mindfulness?

Sources:

Roland, Paul. How to Meditate. Ulysses Press, Berkeley 2000.

Siegel, Daniel J. The Mindful Brain. W.W. Norton and Co. NY, 2007.

Today is the day...

I came across this statement the other day: "Today is the day". I generally find myself pretty unaffected by happiness/bumpersticker taglines, but this one made me pause. I've been feeling pretty stressed out/blue/unlikeable lately, and sometimes my thoughts take on a negative pattern.

I thought about the marvelous possibilities of this phrase, particularly if one ends the statement with a positive finish.

Here are some possibilities I came up with:

Today is the day I get closer to finishing my projects.
Today is the day I am closer to the end of the semester.
Today is the day I smile and laugh with my daughter.
Today is the day I watch a fun movie with my family.

Obviously none of these statements are groundbreaking, but they gave me enough of a lift to carry on versus writhing in a puddle of self-pity and loathing. Any "today is the day" statements from any of you?

Sanity Rituals

Some of my favorite posts written by my friend Ginny are her "how I do what I do" posts. I'm not even sure that's what she calls them, but essentially her posts outline ways in which her truly awesome family handles busy-ness and chaos. In some ways, her way of doing things is truly unique and very inspiring. Alternately, my own family's way of doing things may not be unique or inspiring, but it helps us get through our day's activities.

I find that in order to find and keep my center, especially as I've embarked on increasingly busy school schedules, I've had to implement "sanity rituals". I'll outline a few of them in this post, but be forewarned that the main reason I'm able to "do what I do" is due to a tremendous amount of help, mainly from my husband, but also outside help, including babysitters, modern conveniences and the like. Since I have several friends and acquiantances who are mothers contemplating, preparing for, or actually doing work or school, I hope the post is marginally helpful or hopeful. Also keep in mind that my sanity rituals are somewhat but not entirely listed in order. A bit confusing, I know.

The ultimate sanity ritual for me is organization. Initially, this meant I was in trouble. I've never been a very organized person, but thankfully my LDS mission gave me some tools to help me out here. In fact, never since my mission had I been busy enough to plan out the next day, but once I started becoming insanely busy this semester, I picked up my planner again as a kind of reflex. Every night before bed I take a clean post-it note, place it on my current planner page and map the next day out. Next to the day I write something that helps me put things into perspective, always relating to the baby. Because I want her to be top priority, and because sometimes I'm tempted to put schoolwork first and get upset with her if she gets in the way, I usually will write something like "relax with baby", or "love on baby", or "have fun with baby".

Early in the semester I wrote out a detailed study schedule. I consult my study schedule while also keeping in mind special circumstances of that week and list in order of priority which classes I need to study or do homework for during quiet times or while Squirt is taking a nap or during class breaks. Under that, I write other priorities of the day, such as social events, meetings, people I need to email, or the gym. At the very bottom, I write what I'll be making for dinner the next day so I don't have to stress about that and I know exactly what I have to cook. Then I'm done!

I've learned to be mindful of the fact that sometimes putting something off takes more energy than just doing what I'm trying to avoid. Sometimes trying to take a nap takes more energy than just plugging along through my day, even when I'm tired. It's weird that it's that way for me, but I've learned to capitalize on it and make it work.

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Derrick will sometimes make fun of my devotion to my evening bath-time, but seriously, I really need my bath-time sometimes. I can shave my legs (ensuring a good night's sleep), read what I want, and be alone and quiet for a few moments.

Journal-writing has become much more therapeutic for me as of late. I think it had always stressed me out before because I had imagined my future posterity reading it; thus I had always kept it very clean and neat so they would know what a good person I was. This semester, I threw that bullcrap out the window. Hopefully, my posterity will be smart enough to deal with the fact that no one, not even their grandmother, is perfect. So I write what I need to get out. Testimonial challenges and spiritual transitions, things I said or did that I regret, things I feel bad about, swear words, goals, thoughts, ideas, dreams, beautiful moments with the baby, things we do as a family. I've turned my journal into a genuine catharsis and it's felt great.

I couldn't survive without my crockpot. The dinners that I write at the bottom of my post-it notes are, more often that not, crockpot dinners. How nice to throw everything in and never think about it again until it's time to eat. Also, cooking this way is very easy on gluten-free chefs like myself. I've yet to check out the 365 days of crockpot blog, but I will soon because I always have an eye out for easy recipes. A larger crockpot is at the very top of my Christmas Wish List. I guess that means I'm definitely not a kid anymore.

Sometimes I grimace, but I know myself well enough to know that I function under stress much more gracefully when I've been exercising.

The best part of my day is always when Derrick gets home. Our alone time is definitely my greatest sanity ritual, no matter what we do.

So...what are some of your sanity rituals?