The unpleasant circumstances I alluded to a few posts ago are related to some health problems I've been having. An appointment with a doctor today confirmed our suspicions: I have severe anemia, and will probably have to go to the hospital for iron infusions. Anemia is also heavily correlated with a low-functioning thyroid, which my lab tests also confirmed. Less expected, but not totally surprising, my Progesterone levels are also alarmingly low. Progesterone is a hormone that is related to mood elevation. In females, a defiency can mean greater emotionality or depression and heightened PMS symptoms. It's also correlated with migraine headaches, mood swings, ovarian or breast cysts, anxiety or panic attacks and postpartum depression.
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All told, we've known something has been seriously wrong with me for almost a month now. I've felt incapable of controlling my anxiety over seemingly insignificant things, symptoms of depression have been mounting, and I have felt incredibly lethargic. I've had a really hard time concentrating in my classes since all I really want to do is lay my head on my desk and go to sleep. It's so surprising how quickly these symptoms crept up on and overcame me. Even freakier is recognizing that I'm just not able to move at my normal pace anymore.
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Monday I realized it would be wisest to withdraw from one of my classes. It was the smartest decision I've made in a while. After struggling with feelings of guilt and anger (me? a quitter? never!), I suddenly found myself feeling so relieved and happy. Thanks to everyone I called or talked to about withdrawing; your assurances that it wouldn't put a big, fat Warning: unstable; do not consider on my graduate school applications made a world of difference to me. Now instead of forcing myself to push through the fatigue, I can periodically grant myself permission to *gasp* nap while Squirty's napping.
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This experience has been hard for me. The last time I seriously fought with depression was on my mission. It was an awful experience (the depression, not the mission) and not one I'm keen on reliving. Post-mission, every time I've ever begun to feel depressed I've immediately reacted by shaking myself out of it. Until now, I'd been pretty successful.
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Derrick and I are confident, however, that with some help I'll be able to come out of this and be able to reach somewhere close to my normal pace. It might not be until next Fall, it might be as soon as next month (I hope, I hope, I hope), we'll just have to wait and see. If you've seen me lately and are thinking that I actually seemed pretty normal to you, I sure fooled you, didn't I? I flatter myself that I've become quite a pro at hiding things like this. Don't let it freak you out too much.
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In the meantime, if I've seemed withdrawn or distant or I haven't returned your phone calls or emails or whatever, please be patient with me. If I've hounded you overmuch and enlisted your help with Squirty more often than you ever really wanted, oops. If I promised to do something that I haven't followed through on, drats. I know what you're thinking, perhaps unrepentant behavior is symptomatic of anemia/hypothyroidism/wacked-out-female-hormone-syndrome, and you're probably right; nevertheless, thanks for all the help many of you have already rendered. Just 'cause I'm unrepentant doesn't mean I'm ungrateful.
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Love to all.
7 comments:
Wow, you were right. Those tests confirmed all of your suspicions, plus some. When are you going to be hospitalized? I'm so glad that the problem has been targeted, so now you and your doctor can find some solutions. I'll call you later today.
No hospitalization. I just have to make trips to the hospital to get iron infusions, thank goodness! Sorry if that part of the post was misleading.
Good luck Jen! You have a great support system and a heck of an iron will (no pun originally intended- but i left it after catching it), so I'm sure you'll pull through! We'll keep you in our prayers!
I'm glad that you've been able to identify the issue. What a relief that must be for you! I applaud you for being courageous enough to withdraw from your classes and let yourself get better. If you need any help with the baby in the evenings, bring her over anytime! I'm only two doors away!
although I am not glad that you are struggling with this trial, I am glad that you are dealing with it and speaking about it. Too many times women feel the need to be all and do all without ever tiring, ignoring the fact that this is not only impossible but is so hard on your body. Be kind to yourself.. take care of YOU for a little while... you always seem to be doing it ALL... do it all for yourself so that you can endure... even if (or especially if) that means naps, relaxation, medication or just time. Best wishes for a time to give back to YOU.... <3
I'm sorry Jen. I've wondered if you'd had much problems with the fatigue/depression since our fishing trip conversation, but I didn't want to be nosy. I'm glad you decided to scale back this semester, I think it's a super smart decision, and you'll still reach your goals so no worries. The year before I moved out my Mom went through similar fatigue/depression and I was so worried to leave her. (She was on Tamoxifen post cancer tx which kills the Estrogen & Progesterone levels.) I love you and wish we were closer so I could help! I'll try calling you tomorrow but if you don't answer, don't feel guilty. =)
I hope things go well. My mom has always been really anemic due to internal bleeding stuff, and the iron infusions usually helped a lot. Hope you get your energy and health back!
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