I recently finished reading a book entitled Radical Homemakers: Reclaiming Domesticity from a Consumer Culture. Great title, right? But overall, I thought the book fell a little short. Shannon Hayes makes a lot of really great points in her book though, one of which I will discuss at some length in this post because I've felt, and am feeling, its effects in my life right now.
She discusses "affluenza", the bug most Americans seem to have caught, which is defined "by social critics as 'a painful, contagious, socially transmitted condition of overload, debt, anxiety, and waste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more'" (Hayes 94).
I really don't think of myself as a materialistic person. I don't think many people that know me would describe me as materialistic. But I do know of several who would describe me as ambitious, maybe even to the point of being doggedly ambitious. And, truth be told, I've worn this title with pride in the past. Most of the time I like being an ambitious person and I like the good things it brings into my life. But sometimes it's not so great.
This is mostly due to the fact that I, like so many people, stake my happiness on external factors and experiences. Expecting unending euphoria around the next big project is something I am almost perpetually, and stupidly, guilty of. As Hayes says in her book:
"The happiness we expect from 'good' things--the lucrative job, the promotion, fame and wealth, the new car, the ideal waist size, the perfect hair--tends to be temporal . . . because we quickly habituate to the new circumstance. The excitement of the new acquisition may thrill us for a brief period, but after its 'newness' fades to 'normalness', we return to our prior state of contentment (or discontentment) and reach for the next big promise of happiness" (98).
And boy, I have really felt that lately. What was it, 3 months ago, as I feverishly wrote letters of intent and filled out graduate school applications, that I was telling myself if I could only get accepted into a grad school I would be perfectly content? What a fool I was.
While I'm not quite ready to divulge the details, I have in fact been accepted into three grad programs (I'm still waiting to hear back from one). Upon opening each acceptance email I was elated, euphoric! Then, as certain realities about graduate school sunk in, I found myself feeling depressed and discouraged. According to my sister, who has endured many depressed phone conversations recently, this is the Devil trying to get me to doubt myself. I do not discount this interpretation. But I also think I, with Satan, am complicit in my own unhappiness, and that this unhappiness is due to a confused belief system when it comes to happiness. You still with me?
The truth is, every choice we make brings consequences, both good and bad. Every choice brings pain. Every choice brings some joy. And sure we can try to minimize the bad and maximize the good. But these are always just predictions. I've been guilty of believing in the past that since these were just predictions on my part, that God would do the math and lead me to paths that did this pain/joy thing in my favor, of course. Now I'm not so sure. Of course God wants us to be happy. But God also wants us to learn.
Knowing this, isn't it faulty to assume that there is one path we each can follow that will lead to minimal pain and maximum joy (as if this were a suitable definition of happiness anyway)? Recognizing that perhaps no such utopic path exists, for anyone, eliminates the idea that happiness is based, entirely at least, on external factors, but more on personal decisions about how happy we decide to be. I know I'm getting a bit deep (convoluted?) here, but the point is, we make the beds we sleep in. We follow the paths we feel led to and then we walk them, come hell or high water. And then we pray. We beg for the strength to continue; we pray for assurances that we made the right choice; we pray that the joy will be greater than the pain, that it will all work out in the end; and then, when we're ready, God will reveal to us, in God's own time, the beauty of the path that we have walked. Maybe, if we're ready, God will show us the beauty of the path that we are walking.
6 comments:
Everything you have written here is true. It's good to read this. I read a book once called Wanting More, which talks about that same condition and I think it's just a part of life we all need to overcome.
Super congrats on grad school acceptance (all 3!). You can do it. Just don't forget to be happy while you do it. Love you.
I really enjoyed this post because I can relate, oh, I can relate! I am not materialistic but accomplishing great and grand things was always what I wanted and whatever I did had to be the best to me. Moving here changed me forever because it forced me out of that. I could not find work, I could not study, all of the ways I previously excelled I just literally could not find a way to do. As painful as the process was, it was liberating and taught me about focusing in on what we have been handed and not missing out because we can't stop looking too far ahead to the things that, for the time, are out of our reach.
Jen, I loved this post! This is so wise--so insightful. (p.s. congrats on graduate school!!). On a bit of a tangent--I'm really intrigued by this question of Satan. I feel like we use him as a scapegoat much of the time, which excuses us from taking accountability. If it's Satan's fault, I don't need to shift my paradigm. I love your emphasis on agency--we choose to be happy regardless of our external circumstances. I think living life this way brings us one step closer to Godhood. Or Goddesshood, rather!
I really appreciate this post, Jen! I feel it is something that I am constantly battling as well. It reminds me of Elder Uchtdorft talk a few conferences ago where we talked about how we busy our schedules so much in order to base our self worth and happiness based on the amount of tasks we accomplished in a day. Accomplishing tasks are not bad, but I think we find ourselves in trouble when we loose site of what matters most. I feel that has been the biggest struggle for since my mission. I appreciate your words and sharing your thoughts. I remember someone once told me that just because we feel that God has lead us somewhere does not mean that we will not deal with trails or tribulation during that time period. I love how you said that we have faith in God that we will show us the beauty of the path that we are on. Love it! Love you!
I listened to this TED talk today and I thought it had some relevant ideas to what you're getting at here (plus she's a qualitative researcher, so you'll like that): http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html Namely, that what we should be after is wholeheartedness and truly no external thing, accomplishment, degree, acceptance can create it or replace it if we don't have it.
Great thoughts. I am always a proponent of following your gut feelings. I think deep down we all know what will be best for us, but we are many times conditioned not to trust that voice. I think this idea of blaming your discouragement on Satan is one that we continually perpetuate in the church, but that is ultimately not helpful. It is more helpful to focus on questions, like "why am I feeling discouraged?" and dig deeper for more clarity. You aren't going to feel discouraged and depressed for no reason, or just because "Satan doesn't want you to be happy". It's likely there are other reasons/fears behind that and they are worth examining further. Trust yourself. :)
Congrats on your acceptance letters!
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