Today has not been a good day. It started out alright. Squirty didn't wake up inexplicably in the middle of the night, needing two hours of reassurance before going back to sleep (something she's done at least twice in the past two weeks or so), I got my behind out of the house by nine for a half-mile swim; overall, a pretty good start. But lately, even with exercise, I'm having a hard time managing my stress.
I'm taking a full-time college load again for the first time since I was single. Two of my classes are religion classes, which you'd think would lighten the load. At least, that's what I've been telling myself, but I haven't really been feeling that way. My babysitter is great; very dependable, but she has other obligations today and next Tuesday, so I'm taking the baby to a friend's house before my class starts. So I'm freaking out because Squirty won't take a nap before we leave the house. It's so enraging and enfuriating and something I wouldn't ordinarily be upset about except for the fact that I don't want her to be a whiny beast for the next four hours at my friend's.
So can I just say how hard going to school and being a mom can be at times? On top of grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning, cooking and the general care of a toddler (to be fair, Derrick helps out as much as he can) I have reading, projects, deadlines and papers to deal with. It all seems overwhelming right now, which I suppose is why the fact that Squirty won't take a dumb nap is reducing me to tears. So stop going full-time? Ha. See, that doesn't really work either, because the fact is, I'll never have more time or energy than I have now, and getting this degree has taken way too long as it is. So I'm trying to manage the stress; one way is by venting on this blog, and for some reason it's helping quite a bit, but I'm still at a loss. Maybe I'm just adjusting. Maybe the schedule will get easier as I go along. Maybe I'm just hormonal today. Maybe I'll have some kind of miraculous breakthrough where I don't need sleep anymore. Wouldn't that be nice? In the meantime, I'm going to grit my teeth and bear it today, because, just maybe, tomorrow will be easier.
9 comments:
Awww..Im sorry Jen. I know how hard it is sometimes. I wish we lived close so I could help out!! Keep thinking of your goal. Love you so much!
Hey I totally feel your pain! I'm only taking 2 online classes right now (one of which is independent study so I can "technically" do whenever) but it's stressful! For me I just have to let some things go until the weekend (like laundry) but that's hard, too. I wish I lived closer so I could help out! If you need a girls night, let me know! Love you!
Just so you know, she hasn't been a whiny beast....yet. We still have an hour and half to go!! :)
She's doing great.
And girl, i know how you feel. You're not alone.
Oh yes, going to school stinks sometimes. Just know that when you're done you will be sooo happy/relieved. Someday, all of the work and stress of going to school will just be a distant memory.
Here's some practical end of the tunnel hope for you: Felicity is going to grow up a lot in the next couple of months- become more independent, probably more flexible. She'll adjust to your schedule and learn to nap when you need it. You won't always be glad that your baby is growing up, but in this instance, it will make things easier! Plus you'll grow and learn too- you'll be better able to organize as time goes on. I get more done with 3 kids than I ever did with one- all because I've learned how. :)
You're doing a good thing and you'll be blessed for it. Take it one day at a time, breathe, and know you will get through this!
Yep, all those reasons you listed are why I couldn't hack it. I am so proud of you though! You truly are amazing. I know you will persevere and succeed because you are strong, determined, dedicated and one of the smartest people I know! Like I said, you really are amazing!
Do you ever feel like you're the only one who writes rant-y, depressing blog posts? Because I do...so THANK YOU for reminding me that other people have hard days, weeks, months. Some people make it look so darn effortless and I just beat myself up over the fact that it'll never look or feel effortless for me. But even though I appreciate this post immensely, I do hope that today is a better day!
I think you are amazing in so many ways Jen. Just the fact that you can handle a baby and a household is extremely amazing; it is hard work! AND taking classes on top of it! You are amazing, although you may not feel like you are handling it very well, I know you and I know you are! Love you girl!
You can do anything. I know you can. Your ability to be every amazing thing you are AT ONCE amazes me, even a dozens states away.
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