My blue Monday came early (last night, in fact). As opposed to blue Monday, it didn't come from a realization that I had already abandoned my New Year's goals, which I never made the time to create this year.
Blue Monday hit me yesterday mid-morning as I struggled through my stats homework, submitted my answers online, and then as I saw how many questions I'd answered incorrectly. It may not seem likely, but I like my stats class. I just don't like how it takes me twice as long, working twice as hard, to remember the concepts as some of my fellow classmates. That part definitely sucks. But on the other hand, I like reading about/studies and I value what a good study/experiment can do to further human knowledge. Also, in the career direction I'm headed, stats is very useful and I can see why.
But sadly this scenario effected my mood for the rest of the day. As in listlessly, existentially blue. Most of the time when I'm blue the cure is being extra nice to myself in the form of ice cream consumption; trashy magazine/popular nonfiction reading; movie watching; and going to bed early. As I contemplated this cure in the early evening, I realized it wasn't going to do the trick (but don't worry, I tried it anyway).
No, this blue mood was upon me because of the amount of unfinished tasks I had cluttering my subconcious, and pushing the tasks to the back of my mind wasn't going to make them go away. I realized all this, but then shoved my nose into a trough of Bishop's Bash ice cream, watched a movie and took a bath.
Today I awoke in a better mood, but obviously still had to confront the tough reality of those unfinished tasks (one of them is creating some goals for the rest of this year). Sometimes (often?) joy is only to be found on the other end of an uncomfortable experience. And the time prior to taking the first step can be excruciatingly unpleasant. But when it's taken, sometimes it can be exhilarating. Here's to the euphoria found in action.
4 comments:
I feel for you. Being too busy in school gives you a feeling of a constantly disorganized mind. At least you blogged. That was probably on your mental to do list, so you're making progress. I hope tomorrow is better. I wish I could have eaten ice cream and watched movies with you!
Your vocabulary (listlessly, existentially, etc) far and above makes up for any deficiencies you may feel you have in stats. I'm glad you are enjoying it despite the time consuming tediousness of it. I can't imagine you reading a "People" magazine. I wonder what your idea of "trashy" is...National Geographic? lol. Love you Jen and hope this semester goes by quickly for you! I'm so excited your almost done with this chapter and on to something new in life!
I liked stats too even though math wasn't always the easiest thing for me. Hang in there and keep plugging away. One of these days you will be finished and it will be so gratifying, especially because you had to work for it. You are a rockstar! :)
I am not surprised you like stats at all...I seem to remember a certain conversation we had while I was headed to teach a stats class and I told you, it's FUN and it's not exactly math! :)
But still I'm sorry about the blue day -- I've been having a lot of those myself. I wish I had a friend like you down here, or I wish I was up there and could have shared the movie and ice cream! I relate to the unfinished tasks clouding my mind; I have recently taken care of some of those big psychic weights and it has helped, although I still have a lot more to go.
As for stats, all I can say is, stick with it! Different things obviously come easy for different people. I've taken Spanish 101 three times -- I still hardly speak a lick of Spanish, but maybe some day I will? It's just not a great aptitude for me, which is sometimes a bitter lesson when so many things come easy. Anyway, I miss you!
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