Off the Shelf: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

People are more opinionated about parenting than any other topic in the world. Israeli/Palestinian relations; Nuclear war; and even the meaning of the life are unlikely to spark as much controversy as a new up-and-coming guide to parenting. The reaction to Amy Chua's book, in fact, was akin to a nuclear fallout.

Indeed, my first encounter with Chua was a sneak peek article published by the Wall Street Journal entitled "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior." (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html) I was intrigued, but mostly incensed with her superior tone, and her methods, which she mentions in the article were a bit offputting to say the least. As it turns out, however, the article was only a publicity stunt in order to increase book sales. Her book is actually much tamer and any serious reading of it only makes the title of her article seem like a sarcastic little joke.

The book is actually not about why "Chinese" mothers are superior. It is nothing more or less than Chua's memoir about trying to be an exacting Chinese parent. A second-generation Chinese immigrant, Chua battles intense angst about passing on her parent's hardworking legacy. She doesn't want her daughters to be entitled and to take their opportunities for granted, so she adopts the methods her own parents used on her to ensure that her daughters appreciate their heritage.

Her daughters are expected to get straight A's, to practice on their instruments (piano and violin) for three hours a day, and are not permitted to be in school plays or participate in sleepovers. Chua drives her daughters hard and uses methods some people have described as "abuse" or "criminal". Her criticisms of Western parenting have caused many readers to weep and gnash their teeth out of rage and guilt.

But this book was never meant to be a criticism. Indeed, Chua is brutally honest about her own mistakes as a parent, and how she alienates one of her daughters. In the end, she partially abandons the Chinese model in order to salvage their relationship.

I will be frank and say that I loved this book. Do I agree with all of Chua's methods? No. And the point is, neither does Chua. The book is about a personal transformation; a transformation that every honest parent goes through. And Chua does it with incredible wit and honesty (I laughed out loud while reading this book!). As a parent with a young daughter, this book greatly informed my personal attitudes towards what it means to be a parent and what parents can teach and expect from their children. Chua earned my respect. The amount of work and dedication she puts into her children's success is inspirational, but more than that I respect her because she learned (slowly, it is true) about her own flaws as a parent and changed.

Off the Shelf: The Help

Historically, my "Off the Shelf" posts are concerned with books that have changed my life, or, at least, have caused me to think and question a bit. This blog post is concerned with Kathryn Stockett's The Help, not because I loved it, but because it has made me think. Interestingly, even people who found serious flaws in both the book and the movie have given it credit for stirring up some thinking about racism in America. I concur. (By the way, the link leads to a great article. You should read it.)

I read this book as part of a women's book group for my church. I was wary. I experienced some very conflicted feelings while I read it. When we met to discuss, I was fairly, but hopefully, pleasantly, vocal about what made me uncomfortable with this book. Many of my points have been brought up in more eloquent (and certainly more widely read) articles than this one. I will share links to them further on.

First of all, I think it's extremely important to understand why parts of this book are offensive to many, but certainly not all, Black Americans. You know, oftentimes white people live in a bubble. And that bubble needs to be poked with an ice pick. When I read the book, I was concerned with how black men were portrayed (or not portrayed. One is dead, and the other is an alcoholic, abusive husband). Though I appreciated Aibileen's love and concern for the white child she tended (and this did happen), I was also concerned that Stockett might be giving a false impression of how loveable white children were and are. Many black maids disliked the children they looked after. These are a few of my qualms with the book, but there are many more, and they are discussed wonderfully in this article (this is a GREAT article. You should read it)

So how is it possible that I agree with much that this article (which is also a great article. You should read it too) has to say about the movie (which I haven't seen), and the book that inspired it, and yet The Help has 2 stars, instead of 1 on my Goodreads account?

Well, it's complicated. First of all, I think if white people are supposed to think about race, they should be able to write about it too. Toni Morrison, in her book Playing in the Dark: Whiteness and the Literary Imagination, writes that we have fallen into a pattern of thinking about racism in terms of its consequences on the "victim", but "that well-established study should be joined with another, equally important one: the impact of racism on those who perpetuate it" (11). She calls for "a serious intellectual effort to see what racial ideology does to the mind, imagination, and behavior of masters"(12).

The Help does not do this. It is not a serious intellectual attempt to do this. But to give Stockett some credit, however, I think she does try.

Such intellectual efforts have been reached though. Mr. Pip, for example is a novel told from the perspective of a black girl from Bougainville, and is, incidentally, written by a white man from New Zealand and it is amazing.

Interestingly, the last two articles I linked up here disagree on the accuracy of the black vernacular used by Stockett's black characters. To be fair to Stockett, and because I am not qualified to weigh in on this matter myself, black American authors have also been accused of exaggerating or inaccurately portraying black southern dialect, namely, Zora Neale Hurston.

Also up for debate are Stockett's two main black characters and whether they avoid the embarrassing and inaccurate historical portrayal of black Americans as "exotic, bestial, silly, or sullen--biologically criminal on one hand or comically simpleminded on the other--in short, the plethora of dehumanizing images callously or sometimes merely carelessly superimposed day after day on the psyches and lives of black (and white) people" (Hansberry x). Personally, I can't say that Aibileen and Minny fit these stereotypes consistently or comfortably, but other interpretations are both justified and welcome.

That doesn't mean, though, that The Help is a good book, simply because it may not enforce the stereotypes of old. The Help is a readable, popular book, but this does not mean it is a good or an accurate one. As mentioned in every article I linked, history has been brushed over and glossed up to make it palatable for a wider, mostly white, audience.

It needs to be understood that one reason for anger from the African-American community is probably connected to the fact that black people are more read about than read from. Uncle Tom's Cabin, To Kill A Mockingbird, and, yes, The Help all have several important things in common: They were and are bestsellers and widely read. They were written by white people. They are about black people. They tell inaccurate stories. Have you read any books about the black experience by any black authors? This is an important question to ask yourself. If the answer is nay, you should remedy this, quickly, lest you be too quick to praise The Help for letting you in on how things "really were".

Works Cited:

Morrison, Toni. Playing in the Dark: Whiteness and the Literary Imagination. Vintage Books, 1993.

Hansberry, Lorraine. A Raisin in the Sun. Signet Books, 1992.

Off the Shelf: A Woman's Path

Lately I've felt really drawn to female-driven narratives. Memoir has never been one of my favorite genres, but I find myself picking up and exploring more women's memoirs than ever before.

This particular book, which I picked up at Pioneer Books (of course), was a delightful surprise, and the premise is one that I resist and embrace at the same time, if such a thing is even possible. It is simply this:

"In the act of moving from one place to another, somehow a space is created where, if we're lucky, a moment of clarity alights on us and offers a window into our natures, and the nature of everything around us. . . .the act of travel is a potent way indeed of calling forth that inner knowledge. To relearn what we already know on the deepest level; to wake up to it and allow it to change us. Such is the power of the spiritual journey" (xvi).

So now you know the premise, but what is this book exactly? It's a compilation of essays and book excerpts written by women who encountered some sort of enlightening, spiritual experience while they were in the act of moving from one place to another. It has some big names like Maya Angelou, Anne Lamott and Diane Ackerman, but there are some less-known women, and to be honest, I found some of their stories the more compelling and personally applicable.

In many of these essays, the writers were searching for closure or healing. Some were searching for an essential, but missing, part of themselves. Others were just going on with their normal lives and had an unwelcome and surprising epiphany. Two different women found themselves volunteering at two different centers of Mother Teresa's around the world. Another was fleeing from America and the racism she encountered there only to realize that "Expatriation is an unacceptable way for me to respond to the agony of racism. There is no physical place I can go to escape human suffering--my own or anyone else's. There are no untroubled countries. However, as the result of traveling my inner roads, following my dreams and intuitive leanings, I now know that I can be transported to a place of peace. . . .That sacred place of inner calm is my home in the world. It must travel with me wherever I go" (184).

These are wise words for any woman. We must create a home within. Just because no one else can do it for us, however, doesn't mean we do it by ourselves. For this woman it meant discovering the music cherished by her ancestors; for others it could be a beloved friend or mentor; a religious leader; Jesus. The point is, we're not alone, even if the work we do is ours to do.

As I said, I embrace the idea of travel as a means of spiritual awakening while simultaneously pushing against it. How and Why? I personally feel that travel can be an enormous source of enlightenment for many, but it's not a cure-all. The idea that everyone should abandon everything to go and "find themselves" is rather suspect. Wherever you go, there you are and that's a fact. I suppose this is the same reason I resist Elizabeth Gilbert's style of self-discovery ala Eat Pray Love. It's just not do-able or desirable for every woman.

At the same time, however, I do think that opening oneself to the unexperienced may just be part of a formula for enlightened transformation. A favorite quote in the book is "A woman's path need not always take her many miles from home. It will, however, always invite her to let go of where she's been, and to be open to the Mystery of where she's going. Grace will be her guide and will ask her to trust in her own wisdom. In this way, a woman's path will invariably lead her back to her true self, and no path is ever more valuable than this" (58).

I've told you what I think, but what do you think? Do you buy any of this? Have you ever personally experienced a moment of such transformation, whether it was on the other side of the world or a few miles from your own home, or even in your own home? Please share.

Editors: McCauley, Lucy, Amy G. Carlson, Jennifer Leo. A Woman's Path. Traveler's Tales, Inc. 2000.

Off the Shelf: Half the Sky

It's rare for nonfiction to take my breath away like Half the Sky did. And yet here I am, still breathless, and almost at a complete loss for what to say about this book. It was just that good.

*

Merging my passion in women's issues and empowerment with my intense interest in all things International Development, this book was an impeccable blend of powerful human interest stories and rigorous, expansive research.

*

Half the Sky is an unprecedented publication in the Development world. Though movers and shakers have long struggled to draw attention to issues such as sex-trafficking/slavery, rape warfare, "honor" killings, maternal and infant mortality rates, and female genital cutting, this book is the first compendium to address all of those issues and discuss them in detail.

*

Though the body of the work certainly includes research and often macabre statistics, the author's greatest attention is devoted to the women who were interviewed about their own experiences. The stories of women like Srey Rath, a Cambodian girl forced into the sex trade with little chance of escape; Usha Narayane, a brave Indian woman who stood up to a brutal gangster in her village, freeing the women there from his awful legacy; and, a Pakistani woman who was raped and who broke tradition by seeking retribution, Mukhtar Mai opened a school, offering better opportunities for all people in her village. Their stories show the resilience of women around the world.

*

This book is just incredible. I didn't want to put it down. I got mad at Derrick this morning for taking too long to say goodbye; all I wanted to do was finish the book and then memorize everything it said.

*

Though I don't perhaps agree with every solution posited by the authors, I did come to respect many of their conclusions, as well as their ability to be persuaded by evidence they hadn't expected. Several times in the book they remark: "We thought we'd see this", or "We agreed initially with this position", but they changed their minds. This is a trait I admire so much it's one of the reasons I started to prefer The Economist to any other news source, but I digress.

*

What else can I say? This is one of those books I honestly wish every single person would read. Please do.