Off the Shelf: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

People are more opinionated about parenting than any other topic in the world. Israeli/Palestinian relations; Nuclear war; and even the meaning of the life are unlikely to spark as much controversy as a new up-and-coming guide to parenting. The reaction to Amy Chua's book, in fact, was akin to a nuclear fallout.

Indeed, my first encounter with Chua was a sneak peek article published by the Wall Street Journal entitled "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior." (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html) I was intrigued, but mostly incensed with her superior tone, and her methods, which she mentions in the article were a bit offputting to say the least. As it turns out, however, the article was only a publicity stunt in order to increase book sales. Her book is actually much tamer and any serious reading of it only makes the title of her article seem like a sarcastic little joke.

The book is actually not about why "Chinese" mothers are superior. It is nothing more or less than Chua's memoir about trying to be an exacting Chinese parent. A second-generation Chinese immigrant, Chua battles intense angst about passing on her parent's hardworking legacy. She doesn't want her daughters to be entitled and to take their opportunities for granted, so she adopts the methods her own parents used on her to ensure that her daughters appreciate their heritage.

Her daughters are expected to get straight A's, to practice on their instruments (piano and violin) for three hours a day, and are not permitted to be in school plays or participate in sleepovers. Chua drives her daughters hard and uses methods some people have described as "abuse" or "criminal". Her criticisms of Western parenting have caused many readers to weep and gnash their teeth out of rage and guilt.

But this book was never meant to be a criticism. Indeed, Chua is brutally honest about her own mistakes as a parent, and how she alienates one of her daughters. In the end, she partially abandons the Chinese model in order to salvage their relationship.

I will be frank and say that I loved this book. Do I agree with all of Chua's methods? No. And the point is, neither does Chua. The book is about a personal transformation; a transformation that every honest parent goes through. And Chua does it with incredible wit and honesty (I laughed out loud while reading this book!). As a parent with a young daughter, this book greatly informed my personal attitudes towards what it means to be a parent and what parents can teach and expect from their children. Chua earned my respect. The amount of work and dedication she puts into her children's success is inspirational, but more than that I respect her because she learned (slowly, it is true) about her own flaws as a parent and changed.