Several concerned parties have asked me lately about my health, in reference, probably, to this post I wrote a month or two ago. I wasn't being dramatic. I really felt awful. A few weeks after writing it though I met with a wonderful, phenomenal endocrinologist who gave me the time of day and put me back on thyroid medication and checked out the slight bulge on my throat. The thyroid medication has made all the difference. Sometimes I still feel the need to nap inexplicably, and sometimes I still feel tired (though not the bone-aching, gut-hurting tiredness of before), and sometimes I have to be careful not to overdo it, but I feel exponentially better than I did when I wrote "bits 'n pieces".
About the slight bulge: it's not a goiter. It is a thyroid cyst, and although it doesn't interfere with the actual function of my thyroid the cells that make up the cyst do have a higher chance of becoming malignant, and there is the chance that it could become infected, so they prefer to remove it surgically. I'm scheduled to go in at the end of the month. It will require general anesthesia, but it is an in-and-out procedure, so I'll be able to leave the same day.
I was surprised on two counts when I wrote "bits 'n pieces". One, the outpouring of concern, advice, and well-wishes. Two, the number of women who have confided in me that they have also struggled with chronic fatigue, though they hid it as well as I often do and I never would have suspected had they not told me. Everyone's advice, even if it wasn't exactly applicable to my situation, was still appreciated because it indicated concern and that meant a lot to me. To the women I spoke to or exchanged messages with, knowing that you struggle with this and still do the remarkable things you do is inspiring to me. I may never function at 100% (whatever that is), but knowing that my energy is finite helps me to prioritize, clear out figurative and literal clutter, and pay closer attention to my health, all good things I might not have been so zealous about had I not had (and continue to have) this struggle.
On a final note I leave an open-ended question: Do you think it's possible for our roadblocks to become our blessings in the long-run?
About the slight bulge: it's not a goiter. It is a thyroid cyst, and although it doesn't interfere with the actual function of my thyroid the cells that make up the cyst do have a higher chance of becoming malignant, and there is the chance that it could become infected, so they prefer to remove it surgically. I'm scheduled to go in at the end of the month. It will require general anesthesia, but it is an in-and-out procedure, so I'll be able to leave the same day.
I was surprised on two counts when I wrote "bits 'n pieces". One, the outpouring of concern, advice, and well-wishes. Two, the number of women who have confided in me that they have also struggled with chronic fatigue, though they hid it as well as I often do and I never would have suspected had they not told me. Everyone's advice, even if it wasn't exactly applicable to my situation, was still appreciated because it indicated concern and that meant a lot to me. To the women I spoke to or exchanged messages with, knowing that you struggle with this and still do the remarkable things you do is inspiring to me. I may never function at 100% (whatever that is), but knowing that my energy is finite helps me to prioritize, clear out figurative and literal clutter, and pay closer attention to my health, all good things I might not have been so zealous about had I not had (and continue to have) this struggle.
On a final note I leave an open-ended question: Do you think it's possible for our roadblocks to become our blessings in the long-run?
7 comments:
Doctors who listen make all of the difference sometimes. I'm so happy you found someone to help you and they actually listened!
I've recently thought about your exact same question you left at the end of your post. I concluded so far that a blessing isn't necessarily something that immediately brings positive results in the mind of the recipient. Generally I think blessings are considered to be something like being protected from bad things or given good things and both are completely obvious in the moment they are received.
If we had infinite minds with perfect perception then this could be true but that isn't the case. For example; while raising children, with obviously very limited experience, a parent will enforce a rule, or chose not to act in different situations. To the child this may not seem right or fair but it helps them in the long run to not hurt themselves or to develop emotionally, etc.
We are as children when compared to God and he knows best. He gives what he sees as blessings all the time and we don't always see the benefits until later, if ever. Bad things don't happen to good people. Sometimes good people see good things and bad.
This doesn't make our trials any easier though. It doesn't make this chronic fatigue go away or speed up the benefits to be visible faster. So I should probably just delete this all but I'll send it anyway. We're praying for you!
In regards to your final question, I think roadblocks can become powerful motivations for change we might otherwise have been content not to make. My whole life I was expecting to be a spinster or a SAHM. I never thought I would be married and still facing the possibility of working. So knowing I might still be the primary financial provider has pushed me to be more serious in my studies and professional endeavors than I would have if I'd gotten the role of SAHM. And in the end, for me personally, I think this route will lead to more fulfillment in the long run. I still hope to have kids and be their primary care provider, but I'm MUCH more open to the idea of equal parenting or having my husband be the stay-at-home-dad. And that arrangement might make a better use of our talent all the way around. Anyway, I am SO glad you're feeling a bit better, Jen!
I believe our "roadblocks", including difficult relationships are all designed for reflection. If we pause to consider the value and potential for growth, then we may actually enjoy that opportunity or at least appreciate the lesson ... if we ignore the messages or dig in with self imposed resolve (sometimes called stubbornness) then we get the lesson again -
and again -
and again.
Self care is not selfish, it means we must go within to know what to do, who to go to, and who and what to listen to - it's akin to a prayer and I think God approves. I am so glad to read your update. A blessing today.
I'm so glad you're feeling better! I firmly believe your roadblocks can make you stronger. I'm not sure I'd consider my roadblocks "blessings" exactly, but I know that I'm a (somewhat) better person because of facing them.
I strongly believe that roadblocks are blessings just given the changes that they have literally forced out of me. I tend to want to control EVERYTHING in my life and the process of going through these issues has forced me to let to of control and has truly humbled me. It has also helped strengthen my faith in God and bettered my understanding of submitting to his path for me. Along with these blessings, my roadblocks have given me such empathy for others' journeys. I find myself connecting with strangers and becoming less judgemental as I would want them to do for me if they did not know my pain. I am thankful for these qualities and believe they will make me a better mother someday. I am glad to hear that you are feeling better and that they have some answers for you. Best of luck with your procedure, please keep us updated so that we can be mindful of you during that time.
I am so glad that you are feeling better! I'm nervous for you to have surgery though! I know trials come packaged with blessings, but they still suck!
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